The Kindergarten Blues

Wow! What a difference a year makes! This time last year, I was in a totally different place. Quite honestly, I have been a little hesitant to write this post for fear that "I'm counting my chickens before they've hatched", but I now think the time has come- and I feel confidant that I'm on the other side.

Everyone knows about the "Baby Blues", that weepy feeling that some of us have had after having a child. It is temporary, but I think after experiencing them, that they are very real but they are usually worked out over time. I was fortunate enough to only have them once, after the birth of my sweet Kendra.

We hear a lot about the baby blues and how to deal with them; get more sleep, get a pedicure, eat a better diet, get help with the baby. We hopefully move on and out of those days, fairly quickly, but last year I had something similar to the baby blues and I had no baby. It wasn't until this summer I realized I was suffering from the Kindergarten Blues.

I can look back on it now and see it. I knew I was having a hard time with my youngest starting Kindergarten, but I now see just how much it affected me. For 12 years, I had been a stay-at-home mom and that was my identity. Not that my identity of "Stay at Home" mom was changing, I was still that, but suddenly I wasn't needed(as much) between the hours of 8:00-3:00 and that was a bit of a shock to my maternal system!

I have always wanted to be a Mom- I had tons of baby dolls as a little girl and I started babysitting the minute I was old enough. I have always loved children and couldn't wait to have my own. What no one told me was at the age of 5 these precious little ones haul off and leave you for 7-8 hours a day!

Here I am with 2 of my favorite babies and my older sister Terri

Now, I know that I could home school and I joke about it a lot. I really do think If I was dropped on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, say Oklahoma, and had a husband who was a rancher, and I just happen to have 4 children, and we all worked on the ranch, and I was an awesome cook, and I had a cookbook(:-)), I could home school my children and do it quite well. I think my kids would actually like it. But since I live in a metropolitan area, and my husband goes to a desk job, and we live in an area where great schools are located, I think sending them off is the best for us at this time.

Sending my children off to kindergarten(I've sent 3) has been met with totally different feelings each time I have done it. With my first child, it was more excitement for him and for me. He was so ready for the busyness of school and the social aspect was exactly what he needed. I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't excited to have a little more "me" time. I was sad, sure, but there was an awe factor, as we really didn't know what was in store.

With #2 it was sadness and excitement only because I was fully aware of what starting Kindergarten meant. I knew that now she would be more influenced by her peers and teachers than by me, her mom. I also new that school meant a busy schedule of activities. I was excited for her because she was so excited to get to go to school like her big brother.

Now, last year when I realized that my last little one would be starting school, there really wasn't much excitement. Sure, I tried to put on a good face, but inside I was miserable. Emorie Claire is a May birthday and I was convinced that we should hold her back(grasping at straws). I am so thankful for her pre-school teacher who was sure she would do fine, convincing me to go ahead and start her in Kindergarten and sure enough, she did great!

So, even though I have never read any article in Ladies Home Journal on the Kindergarten Blues, I want you to know that they are real and they do go away. It was a rough year of trying to occupy myself, I even had someone(can't remember who) say just wait until 1st grade, before you make any rash decisions about what to do. I wish I would have listened.

I have already spent more days at home, just in the 2 weeks that school has been in session, than I did the whole year last year. I could not stand to be at home last year. The silence made me crazy and I would usually just wanted to nap. This year, I love to be home, in the quiet and I have been so much more productive this year. I haven't taken a nap yet, but the year is just starting;-)

I have made a peace with my little ones going to Kindergarten. I know with each stage of parenting the adjustment may be more than I think it should, but that even though it is difficult at times, I know that this too shall pass.